Money can't buy you LOVE
posted by Mary Lello, Thursday, January 22, 2009, 8:09 PM
The subject is from a Beetles Song. So I will let it play through my mind as I write this.
Another day in the hospital. They are truly uneventful. Truly not connected with any real world time. Truly not connected with any natural happenings - what's the weather? Who knows!! But the people there are very kind and the ginger ale is free and Jim is comfortable and well cared for so that's all that is important right now.
But I'm bringing him home tomorrow. This is MY bottom line. He comes home. Today I told him that maybe he won't be able to do the stairs as well - so he stays in the 'day bed' and we use the 3/4 bath downstairs for him to shave and do a sponge bath. Anything is better then staying in the hospital. And he agreed to this! Yahoo!
The chemo and radiation is already taking it's toll on him after only 2 days of treatments. He shows signs of pain but can't label where the pain is - 'my whole body I think' - and his appetite has gone from steroid voracious to just shovel the stuff in because I don't want to lose more weight type of eating. No gourmet dinners for awhile I guess!
BUT, he was very much Jim this morning when I got there at 7:30 a.m. His eyes held that look that is just pure Jim. And he was more coherent today. Balance still is off but it's not horrible. I think we could live with it here at home. This is good.
I went out with friends to the Falmouth Tavern tonight - Thursday in this household has always been "Tavern Night" so it was fun for me to go there and feel somewhat normal. Good laughs, wine and grub. All I need right now. My sister, Karmo Sanders, joined us tonight and she kept us all laughing . I'm proud as shit of my Blah blah sister who is also know in some circles as the "Mardens Lady". Yup, THAT lady. The waiter recognized her and it always just cracks me up!! But she has created such a wonderful character that folks in Maine can identify with - and do!! - so what the hell. She's a star.
The other gift at the tavern for me was the fact that so many people from my dentist office were there. I truly do not believe in coincidence and tonight these people being there was yet another life saver in many ways for me. I was able to feel such intense love from this whole office - who love Jim and who I have a professional (which is also very personal) connection with. It just felt right that I could see them, hug some of them and perhaps share this website if they choose to join us.
Damn, this is an astounding community! The gifts keep coming in such a huge spiritual way that I am brought to my knees with it ...and to tears.
I try to keep Jim up to date on all this but right now he really can't take it all in. But what he can take in brings tears to his eyes. He is such a loving human being and he feels so deeply when someone else connects with him. So PLEASE understand how important YOUR connection is. Truly. He feels your love and this is so important for his healing right now. Because he is still JIM DANIELS, who reaches out to and connects with and just loves others so deeply.
And we all love him so deeply back.
Isn't this what it is all about anyway? I mean really? Rock bottom basics? Yeah, it just all boils down to this and all the other daily shit is just that ... daily shit ... but deep down we all know that it is LOVE that is our true essence.
LOVING you all back , truly and deeply,