Thursday, May 31, 2012

Holding On

By now all of you know that I am in another relationship.  The nearest and dearest to me know this guy pretty well.  Those of you more on the fringe have asked, "So, how's it going with Dave?" And others have asked, "Are you still dating this new guy?" This is the question that has me take a breath as I realize my situation is vastly different from what's known.

If you scroll through my blogs to September 1, 2011 and read Unfolding you will get the history on how Dave and I met.  I get embarrassed that it was on Match, but it was.  As I explain in that blog, I knew after our "coffee date", that lasted six hours, that I may have met my match.  As I drove home from this initial meeting I was 'talking' to Jim and asked him, "Did you do this Jim?  Did you put this guy into my path?"

I never shared that with anyone as it just seemed too ... too ... just too-too.  But I did feel that Jim had pulled some strings from his advantage point and he completely approved.

Last winter I went to see a psychic.  I've been to many "psychics" and a handful of them have actually been gifted.  This woman I saw last winter was one of the best I've ever seen.  I was told to go with questions as she will give me time to ask them after her reading.  I had one question for her ... whose this new guy?  I never needed to ask my question, she had lots of information for me on this.

 The first thing she said to me was, "How come you have two husbands?"  When I told her I only have one husband and explained about Jim she said "Ah, but there's a new guy, yes?  Well just let me tell you,  Jim had a hand in your finding this new guy.  He's extremely happy for both of you now."

And I knew this.  As someone who works with energy I have a pretty heightened intuitive sense and I have learned to trust it.  But it was nice to have this "knowing" validated by another all the same.

This month Dave and I have been together for ten months, and he has lived with me for eight ... and yes, this was incredibly fast but it has been so right from our first meeting.  As my good friend, HH, told me, who basically did the same thing and is happily married,"Mary, at our age we know ourselves, we know what we want and need.  If you've found it, why wait?"  I love her!

This man lives big; he has a big heart, big energy, takes me on big adventures, has a big voice ... and tells me I'm the first woman who has ever appreciated how loud he can be.  I'm hearing impaired remember, thus, we're a good match that way!  He fits into my family of blood and my family of friends.   I like to think I fit into his circle equally as well. I love his two grown boys and they are learning to accept me, and perhaps, even to like me.

And when an anniversary rolls around pulling me into a slump or the rogue wave hits me and sucks me down into it's gloom, this guy doesn't shrink away.  He holds onto me.  Holds me while I cry.   He picks me back up with no questions.  He knows that there is still a lot of love for Jim in my heart, but he understands that this does not belittle the love I now feel for him.   I find Dave's understanding of this remarkable.

OK, it's not perfect, he's not perfect - thank God! - but we really work well together.  And, as I've written before, I've changed; my ego is smaller and my tolerance is much higher these days.  The few little spats we've had have stayed as simply that, a spat.  Not blossoming into any thing bigger or nastier.  I just don't want to go there.  I can't help but feel, "we don't have time for this!"  I don't want to waste one precious moment on being angry, on holding onto some stupid grudge and give too much energy to being mad with each other.  It pulls us away from our center and our loving nature.

I never thought I could open my heart again, never thought there could ever be someone a big as Jim who could fill this void, who could fit into my life, my world, again.  I didn't know this could happen twice in one lifetime.  I'm still amazed that it has and that this new guy is here now and fitting like some  soft, worn glove.  It's so comfortable, so easy.

 Dave says to me, "just let me love you".  That's a pretty wonderful mantra and one worth holding onto.

And I am ... holding on ... to this gift, this amazing human being who arrived with open arms and an open heart.

Loving you all back,