Living strong

posted by Mary Lello, Monday, January 26, 2009, 5:29 AM

I'm a Lance Armstrong fan again. He lost me a bit as he started to become his old egotistical self after retiring. But I'm a fan again. I don't care that he's getting back on his bike and I'm not convinced it's just for cancer. But I did get his booklet for people with cancer who are in the throws of this struggle. It's incredibly comprehensive and a wonderful resource. I'm glad to have it and glad his foundation is out there trying to find a cure. I'm wearing a yellow bracelet again too.

Some friends have told me not to ask "why". And honestly, I have not gone there, not once. I don't believe there is an answer to this question. Or if there is then it's on a bigger scale then my little pea brain could ever comprehend. Why did Lance get cancer? Why did he survive? Is the big picture because Lance can now give this booklet to me or ride his bike for cancer or so I can turn to Jim and say "you WILL be my Lance Armstrong and beat this thing!" ? I sure don't have a clue.

We had a good weekend. Jim was really steady on his feet yesterday, remembered it was Sunday and asked for the N.Y. TImes and sat reading it. He had a good appetite too. David, Greg and Stacie took Jim to the Portland Museum of Art so he could see the photo exhibit that is up now. David arranged for a wheel chair for Jim, which was good. They had a great time and Jim really enjoyed just getting out of the house and going somewhere besides to radiation or the hospital!

Me? I chose not to go but went for a xc ski and ran some errands instead! It felt so good to be able to just go into town and do stupid mundane things that drive most people crazy. Never thought I'd say running errands was so wonderful!

And Sat. night Stacie and I went over to a friends house and had dinner and some drinks with a few gals. While we were doing the 'girls night out thang' Jim was doing the 'boys night in' as several guys came over to sit with Greg and Jim and eat pizza. One of these men told me "I can't remember when I last got together with some guys to do nothing but to just be together. It was really nice". Makes you want to you smile doesn't it?

There are still some challenges though. The kind I wouldn't dream of posting here as they would embaress Jim. The kind that has me worry that the dots aren't connecting and worry that they may not connect again. But then I hear success stories of people who have survived this very thing and they are driving again and living fairly normal lives. I don't know if you ever live the SAME life after cancer kisses you and your death stands to your left ready to touch you. But this might be a huge gift too, to NOT live your life as you did before but to truly LIVE it.

WHY don't we enjoy running mundane errands? WHY don't we gather with friends for no other reason then to simply sit and be together. WHY don't we appreciate our good health when we have it? WHY don't we live each day as if it was our last?

Sending all of you so much gratitude for your love and generous beings and surrounding Jim with this community.

Loving you all back,

Mary