How the hell do I do this?

posted by Mary Lello, Tuesday, January 20, 2009, 3:36 PM

I mean that. How the hell do I do this? Stacie, Greg and David have taken Jim to the oncologist in Scarborough because Jim was really unsteady on his legs this afternoon. His headache, though better, is not gone and when Stacie called the RN they thought Jim should see the doctor.

And I sit at work. Trying to care for people who come to see me for very legitimate reasons but ..... I don't know how to stop working in order to be there at times like this. I don't know how the hell to keep this all together sometimes. We need my income now more then ever and I need to be where Jim is at times like this. I know, the good news, really good news, is Stacie is there and Greg is there and other friends (David) mobilized very fast and it's a great team.

BUT... they are putting JIm in the hospital again tonight and I sit here hobbled and feeling so damn frustrated and just ..... ARRRGGGHH!!

I just don't know how the hell to do this.

Dana Farber wasn't sure Jim could get into the clinical trail so we are going ahead with another MRI tomorrow as well as radiation and starting chemo tomorrow too. Sure seems like Jim's body is telling us to stop friggin' around and deal with this remaining tumor. So we're listening. There may be other clinical trials later that Jim will be able to get into.

Meanwhile, I have one more client and then I am flying ...FLYING to the hospital to see Jim tonight.

Do I work again tomorrow? Why isn't there a friggin' manual at times like this?

Mary