Once again I need to thank all of you who sent me private messages regarding my last blog. It's always fascinating for me to see what words of mine will strike what chords with you. And the notes you send are so heart felt and honest that I feel incredibly honored to have you share your feelings with me.
And, yes, I plan to keep writing. As one friend said, "take us along!" And so, I shall.
I'm finding myself in pretty deep with this new guy who appeared out of the blue and so easily and quickly grabbed this broken heart of mine. To his credit he doesn't want to mend it but chooses to open up the parts that are still alive, still functioning, still yearning and willing to give and receive again. And he's doing this with such loving consideration, an openness to communication and a gentleness that has me floored. He's a lot of fun too and has whisked me off on several adventures already (other blogs perhaps).
But you know, after being with someone as long as Jim and I were together you get so you can just hit the cruise button. This new relationship feels like a race car on full throttle squealing down a winding, narrow canyon road! One small slip can send this all crashing over the edge. One of the risks of falling ... in love ... I guess.
I've always been willing to take a risk, to leap into the adventure without knowing what's ahead and grab for the gusto regardless. Fear of flying never stopped me from taking flight. Besides as one dear friend told me "what's the worst that can happen here? After all that you went through with Jim and all that you lost when you lost your Jim, what really is the worst that can happen now? Nothing will ever be as bad as that Mary!" She's a wise woman who I love dearly!
I have these moments of questioning; when I allow my head to go into it's Mexican radio station of jibbering I, for some stupid reason, turn off my hearts intuitive knowing and I go into that place of gasping with doubt. When this happens I remember a line from the movie Scent of a Woman. Al Pacino, who plays a blind ex-Army Sergeant, has asked a young woman to dance the Tango with him at a restaurant. She is shy and scared and tells him she doesn't know how to Tango and she's afraid of making a mistake. Pacino answers her with "that's the great thing about the Tango, if you make a mistake, you just tango on....."
It takes two to Tango and right now I'm loving this dance. But I do know that if I make a mistake then I can ... just ... Tango on.
Loving you all back,