Home again

posted by Mary Lello, Friday, January 23, 2009, 9:47 PM

We did it. We made an executive decision and brought Jim home. I think the fact that we have Greg here helped Dr. Weisburg agree to let Jim come home today. PT, OT were all saying he really is still too unstable and a 'high risk" for falling - but we told them there are 2 people here with him at all times and ..... ta da ... we have GREG!!

So they agreed. And we're home. And the challenges still seem huge but at least Jim is more comfortable and we all can just sleep in tomorrow if we need to.

And it feels so good.

For some reason I got thinking about the Stones song "You can't always get what you want". Certainly I didn't want this. Jim didn't want this. No one who has had to face this biological phenomena and try and beat it or anyone who has had to watch another lose the fight or become a caretaker for a loved one and go through this with them WANTS this!

But there is that other line that has always struck me as pretty powerful - and I was thinking about it today and feeling this again ... "but if you try sometimes, you get what you need". And I do feel this. I do feel we are getting what we need at times through all this, whether it's a book of poetry from a dear friend, another friend bringing a carton of ice cream for Jim at this time (it's sweet, cold and slides down easy) girlfriends organizing a night for Stacie and I to just gather and relax for a few hours, a good laugh with a few friends or an incredibly wonderful insurance broker who is helping me wade through the jungle of insurance and offering me the best advise possible - and with compassion and understanding because she too has been touched by cancer.

So without even trying, we are getting what we need. Sure I want a new brain for Jim. I want that he heals and all is perfect on the other side of this again. I want to ask that our lives not get twisted and changed so drastically. But, you can't always get what you want. So we are slowly coming to accept where we are right now. To accept that this is what it is. To begin to fight the fight needed and hope that tomorrow we might have more energy to clean the kitchen or organize a small portion of the office desk to get outside and walk or run.

And we will have a new awareness around getting what it is we need. No matter how basic or how simple or how profound (and so many of you are offering PROFOUND help in giving us things that we need!) we have a new sense of gratitude now.

"You can't always get what you want ..... but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need".

Good night,

Mary