posted by Mary Lello, Thursday, June 3, 2010, 6:30 AM
I don't know why I've struggled to get a message up regarding the celebration. I've tried several times but it's just not flowing from me all that well so I just stop. I think I'm trying to say too much, this grief beast is such a new trip for me. But if I just focus on the celebration then maybe I can capture some of it for those who couldn't be there.
The celebration was indeed all that. Nance Trueworthy is a force when it comes to putting on an event and I can't thank her enough (though I keep trying) for her taking this task on for me. There were bright colors, flowers created by amazing, talented friends (Chess and Betsy), there was a continuous slide show (thank you KIm!), great tunes (Steve!!!), children with bubbles outside, dancing, tons of good food and drink and a true feeling of celebration. JIm would have totally approved!
Thank you all for coming. Although it was hard for me to have any kind of real face time with any one person I loved seeing each person there ... and I DID see you even if I didn't get to speak to you!
As corny as it sounds there was an amazing feeling of love in that space while we all occupied it. When my sister told me I had to get up to the mic and talk I wanted to start digging a trench to crawl into. But once I stood up in front of everyone in that room I was amazed at the feeling that was just washing over me; it was a tangible feeling of support, love, caring and 'we're just here for you'. Even as I write this I'm starting to cry because it was one of the most remarkable sensations I've ever had. That's why I got up THREE times to that mic! It was such a safe environment and I had things to share with all of you,
So many of you have emailed me or spoken to me about the quality of all the people gathered together on that day. A true tribute to the person Jim was and the friends he made. This is such an incredible community, it really is. Each one of you has been so amazing and the connections I have been able to make through all this has been, simply, a joy for me.
At this time I'm not so good at reaching out myself but many of you have reached out to me and want to get together .... keep knocking my door down. I'm in here and need and want to get out but I might just need you to set the date, to pull me out, to not wait for me to come to you. Deal?
On another note, I'm planning to move off this site and start an open blog. I haven't done this yet as I'm still trying to come up with a name for my blog (why is this so hard?). Once the blog is established I will post it here for any of you who wish to continue to stay with me. I've been told over and over to "keep writing", so I shall and hope that whatever I have to say during this next incredibly challenging phase of this life might resonate with others.
Thank you all for being at the celebration, for helping me to put it on either physically or financially, for the love and support of all of you who couldn't come but held us in your light on Saturday, for being the most incredible friend to Jim and now to me. Just me, now.