I took my wedding ring off. It wasn't planned, I didn't really think about it a whole lot. I love this ring and figured it would be on my finger for a long time. Jim designed it and then had our good friend and jeweler, Kate Wolf, create it for our 10th wedding anniversary. It was/is the perfect ring for me; gold band with Mayan temple step design that runs around the band. It has a southwest look to it as well. But Jim and I traveled so extensively through Latin and South America that I knew instantly what it was when he presented this ring to me on our celebratory night.
But it's off my left ring finger now. I took all my rings off while spending the night in a hotel in Millinocket, Maine. My hands tend to swell at altitude and in the cold. Last weekend I skied eleven miles into Baxter State Park with 8 other friends where we stayed at Daicey Pond cabins for some winter fun. Yes, it's February! I figured my hands were going to get pretty cold. I could barely get my wedding ring off even in the hotel ... soap, water, more soap and then closing my eyes and willing that ring to slide over the knuckle that - with closer inspection - is beginning to show the deformity of arthritis and thus enlarged a bit. And it is that knuckle that makes it impossible to get the ring back onto my left ring finger.
So, it's off.
I realize today that this is actually perfect. While Jim was sick and I was in the throws of caring for him 24/7, with the assistance of so many incredibly wonderful friends and family, I could never look too far down the road. I could never really make plans to do anything as we never knew how Jim might feel. I threw a lot of things to the wind, literally, and was always amazed at how things just worked out. By putting my trust in the Universe, or whatever, and asking for help the help always seemed to come at just the right time. Even in Hospice, I had no plans, no design, no real intention of what that time would be or what I needed to do. But it all just unfolded; I set up a little Buddhist temple on the window sill for Jim and a dear friend brought a scarf and card blessed by His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, without even knowing about the shrine I had created. Friends came and went and sometimes sat with Jim holding his hand and sometimes sat with me holding mine - but always there was a feeling of pure love and sanctuary in that room while Jim went deeper and deeper into his being in order to release himself from his broken shell. Nothing was planned ... and yet, it was perfect.
And so, I had not planned to take my ring off. I'm glad that it fits on my right ring finger where I will wear it now until it no longer fits there either.
It wasn't planned but it's perfect.
Loving you all back,
PS - Thanks to my friend Kerry who took the picture of my ring for me!