The stars this morning are incredibly brilliant. Even here in the suburbs where my neighbors like to light up the night with their outdoor lights and all these street lights blaring - these stars are still outshining all this white light pollution. I took a few moments to stand in my bedroom window and just gasp at the overhead display; Orion's Belt, the Big Dipper tilted sideways and draining the cauldron, it's handle arching towards the earth. "Arc to Arcturus" - a saying used to help find the star Arcturus, which is below the horizon this morning. But Venus, that morning planet, is literally twinkling with all five points distinct and bright in this black early morning sky.
February seven marked nine months. Nine months. A human being is formed in the uterus and ready to come into this world in that amount of time. Nine months, and there has been some healing - I can focus on reading a book now, but I still can't quite organize my life. I've asked my Blah-Blah Sisterhood to step in and help me get some of the piles around the house either moved out or put away since I am crippled around these tasks. My youngest sister told me that rearranging my stuff and moving a lot of Jim's things out is also rearranging my life .... and with that comes new hits of reality of just what this means and how big it truly is.
Damn, my littlest sister can be so wise sometimes!
I'm watching Venus move across the sky. Soon I'll begin to see that thin line of light on the horizon as the sun pokes it's first rays up out of the Atlantic. Another day.
This morning, while I still thought I might fight the chatter that had taken over my consciousness, I lay in my bed looking out the window at the pin points of light in the sky and just asked, "Is this it now? Is this truly the plan you have for me? Is there something else I should be doing? Somewhere else I should be going? Someone else I should be meeting? Should I be letting go and worrying less, trusting more? ... you gotta admit, my trust has been slightly shaken since this was not what I had planned on .... is there a plan for me now?"
Morning thoughts. They'll disappear with the emergence of the violet light as those rays come dripping out of the ocean and my day gets filled with all the doing that must be done ...
... ah, and here comes the sun.
Loving you all back,