Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Grief and Gifts

I was told so many times that there are gifts to come from cancer. While in the throws of that disease with Jim I kept wondering where the hell the gifts were and what they could possibly be! My wise friend, KP, said "maybe it's in hindsight, Mary" ... and maybe she was right.

I've mentioned in another blog all the connections to so many varied and wonderful people that Jim had and miraculously maintained. I know my tendency to not reach out is real but if any one reaches out to me, as so many of you have done and are doing, I say "yes" .... and I show up. I may have a little panic attack just before arriving because I no longer have the safety net of Jim to be there and keep conversations going and laughter rippling, but I will show up!

Some connections and reconnections happened due to this damn cancer. Widow to widow I have connected with a friend who we met when we lived in RI - another life time ago. Tina is five years without the love of her life. She keeps reaching out to me, checking on how I am, inviting me to her sweet cabin on Vinalhaven in the summer and to her home in Providence in the winter just to make sure I get a change of scenery. And she understands all my unspoken thoughts and feelings. She's been through this same fire.

And then our dear friends who we met due to the fact that Reg also has a malignant brain tumor. These wonderful people now watch as his glioblastoma wins the battle within him and his family circles their wagons; cherishing each and every minute for however long they have together.

But one of the biggest gifts that Jim left me was reintroducing me to my niece, M. Actually the reconnection with all my nieces and nephews has been pretty profound and deep ... but M stepped back into out lives in Hospice and has burrowed deep into my heart. This needs to be it's own blog as I don't want this one to get too long, so ...

.... to be continued!

Loving you all back,

No comments:

Post a Comment