"Me, Myself and I"

I'm struggling with using the singular term for my life these days. Meeting a stranger who fell in love with Ella we got talking about Golden Retrievers and I said "this is our third Golden" ... I could not bring myself to say "my" third Golden. Jim had researched and found the litter that Ella was part of, he was the one who picked her out. He was the one who insisted on this breed as he's always loved the qualities found in the Golden Retriever ... if you are careful with the breeder you choose that is. And he was always careful. After all he had picked out two fabulous Goldens prior to Ella to be part of our family so I was happy to go with his decision.

She's still "our dog" ... not just mine.

I went to the local pub with a couple friends to watch the Patriots completely ruin their entire season in the playoffs. Lousy timing for that team to have a bad day. There were a lot of people sitting at the bar and since I was pushed practically into the lap of a chap I was sitting next to I decided to introduce myself. He was a good kid and told me his name, then jokingly asked if I was married as he looked to my left ring finger ... where my wedding band still sits. I told him "Well, I'm widowed", his face dropped and he just said "oh damn, I'm so sorry."

My friend told me that was mean to say. But I couldn't bring myself to say "no" ... as I do still feel married I guess. But I also couldn't say "yes" .... as it's just not true. So, I went the "mean" route, and spoke my truth ... and it is sad and it's OK with me if he felt sorry about it. I feel pretty damn sorry about it myself.

Sometimes I will correct what I've said and use the singular, but not very often. It sounds incredibly foreign to me, so I'm practicing. Be patient with me if I correct myself when I say "we" or "our" and you hear me mumble under my breath "Me ... myself ... I".

Loving you all back,

Mary