Monday, January 3, 2011

January 3

January 3, 1951. Jim's birthday. He would have been 60 years old today. Damn, this whole time of year just doesn't get any easier for me. People would say .. I bet your glad the holidays are over ... and then we have today.

I can't even remember what we did last year to celebrate. I think Donna must have been back in Maine with us as she had flown home to help me with Jim when we returned from our Colorado Christmas. We probably had a dinner party of some kind for Jim ... and celebrated the day he was born. Which I would tell him I celebrated every day! How lucky I was that his spirit was put on this earth at the same time and place as mine. And, as sappy as it sounds, how lucky I was that I found him ... and he fell in love with me. He was an incredible gift to me.

This just isn't getting any easier. Wasn't I told it would get easier?! How does one mend a broken heart?

He was the youngest 50-something year old imaginable. When people would find out how old Jim was they were incredulous. He could cycle and trail run as fast and hard as any guy 10-15 years younger. He was only starting to get a few gray hairs and wonderful wrinkles around his eyes that only made him more handsome. He was fit, strong, funny as hell and just the most joyful person to be around ....

... and I miss him horribly.

I thought I had a lot to say today ... but I'm struggling to breathe right now.

Loving you all back,


  1. Mary, sweet Mary,
    Sadly I know no words that might mend the sorrow of your loss. There are no words to mend a heart that feels the loss of a loved one.

    Know that you are surrounded by those that love and care for you. Doesn't make it much easier, perhaps a little gentler on some days.

    I carry you in my heart ~ holding you in Sacred Space.

  2. Happy day of earthly birth Mr. Daniels, where ever you are now. It'll always be your day.