posted by Mary Lello, Sunday, May 3, 2009, 2:58 PM
Jim is doing amazingly well these days. He is beginning to walk only holding onto my shoulder. That right leg, though still gimpy and the foot still gets caught and stuck, is moving on it's own now without my needing to push it for him. He's started lifting his right arm and is able to flex the hand open and closed. I tell him, when his leg/foot gets stuck and he's unable to move it, that there is memory in his cells, that this information does not need to come from his mind really, his body knows how to do this - and he will immediately take 3 glorious, perfect steps. Then he'll look at me and say "I like that idea. I think you're right".
Oh, yes, he's talking again. He can't always complete a sentence and he will start out knowing what he wants to say and then freeze - just unable to get the last word that will actually inform me of what he needs. He is amazingly patient though and eventually we figure out what it is he wants to say. Or not.
This is a whole new world from 6 days ago. I can see hope in his eyes again and a renewed spirit. Today we went outside and ate our lunch on the deck. I wanted to do a bit of raking and a other garden work. He is feeling so cocky these days that he wanted to help me rake. SO, we walked out onto the lawn. I think he began to realize that maybe he was feeling a wee bit too confident in his abilities right now so rather then try to rake (which would truly have been impossible!) he sat down on the lawn and allowed me to do the raking. Then he lied back and lay there looking up into the trees. You know, when was the last time you did that? I can't remember the last time Jim Daniels DID that. To me this looked like the best healing medicine to happen for him, to just lie in the grass and stare into the tree branches, watch the clouds and feel the Earth supporting all of his body and being.
I also feel this illness is showing me JIm's true essence. So much gets stripped away when a person is this sick and this compromised and challenged. But, what I am witnessing is just the bare honest human being that Jim is begins to really shine. And this essence, this being is so incredibly loving, gentle and kind. Sometimes when I ask him the simplest question "do you need a blanket?" his response will sometimes just bring me to tears. He never says simply "yes", he usually says something more like "maybe I could use a blanket if you don't mind" .... and always "thank you Mary, so much". This isn't just being polite, lord knows he doesn't need to be that with me all the time, but more really who JIm is and how he has always interacted with people - on a deeply appreciative level for who YOU are. It's really quite wonderful to be around this and to see this man in this way again.
So, we are doing much better these days. We are hopeful that JIm will be doing stairs again soon and we both can be back upstairs in our own bedroom and bed. We look forward to being able to go out for drives again without having to use a wheel chair to get us to and from the car. And every tiny new development gives us new strength and belief that there is a new day dawning. As that old 70's song goes " There's a new day dawning and it's just around the bend, there's a new day dawning, this ones coming to an end".
Or something like that!
Thank you all for being here with us on this difficult journey,