posted by Mary Lello, Wednesday, February 11, 2009, 7:02 PM
Jim is losing his hair now. It's expected but it still looks a little mangy. There is the cutest little boy who has radiation at the same time Jim goes and I had noticed a couple weeks ago that his hair was getting real spotty too. It's a wee bit hard to see the kids in the radiation waiting room. Hell, it's hard to see anyone there as we all know why we are all there. We all just hope that this toxic process is doing what we are asking to be done.
I can feel that we are evolving into the next step of all this. I'm not real sure what this step actually is but things are feeling different. JIm is wanting to take more charge of things and to push himself a bit harder and to be trusted to do certain tasks. I am needing to learn to trust that he knows what he can and can't do ... and he's showing me that he does. He was pushing the activities too hard and his doctors told him to back off from that as fatigue is the last thing he needs to bring on himself. But he's able to dial the phone now and, when not too tired, is real coherant and he wants to be allowed to do things by himself. Safety first, of course, but he's actually pretty safe to move around the house now, can see things again without too much of a blind spot. And is more hopeful all the time.
Although the supplements are a MAJOR pain in the ass and he will sometimes get the gag reflex just by looking at the pile of them that he has to take - we might be seeing the effects of them. He is tired with radiation but he is not wiped out. We talk about the supplements "killing cancer" as he forces himself to take them but last night we both agreed that maybe it's these supplements that are helping to keep his energy up and keep him as healthy as possible while undergoing all the radiation and chemo.
And today the folks at radiation said Jim is being called the "rock star" around the office because he is doing so incredibly well at this point. So it isn't just us seeing this!!
Jim had a good day today. It was beautiful here, fairly warm and sunny. After a wonderful morning run I did a few errands and then attacked the wood pile that needed to be put away in the shed before the rains came tonight (some one bought us a cord of wood. THANK YOU, if that someone is reading this!!!!). Todd - Jim's care taker today - and Maureen both helped me with this (thank God!!) and we beat the rain. Jim was able to sit out on the deck in the sunshine and watch us work. It was great to see him outside like that but I also knew in other times Jim would have been the one directing all this and doing most of the heavy work needed. A new world for us.
Then Todd took Jim for a nice drive into town and around Cape Elizabeth. Jim is a man who likes to be on the move so these outings are very important and a needed break for him. He came home tired but it's a good tired. He's also learning that the whole exercise thing - though important - must NOT be over done. He's really starting to get this.
And I am starting to need time away. As I mentioned earlier, I am a very independent lady and need my "out there" time. So this weekend friends have offered to give me an entire day off on Saturday. Since Maureen is here I think it would be nice to head up to the mountains and either xc, snowshoe or trail run with our stabil-icers depending on the conditions of the ski mobile trails. I'm looking forward to this. Chessell, MaryMargaret, Maureen and I are heading for the hills!
I'm not in the same shape as these BMW's (Burly Mountain Women, as Donna has called her Colorado clan of women!) but I don't care any more. It used to be important that I was as strong as, as fast as, as fit as .... but all that has fallen aside these days. Funny how that works. It's similar to a sweet friend who came to clean our house while we were in Boston and wrote this note to us about how she had broken a glass of ours. The note sounded so apologetic ... after she had volunteered to clean our nasty house!! You know what? It's just stuff. All of it is replaceable. None of it is worth THAT much. In the situation Jim and I have been heaved into "stuff" no longer really matters. LIFE is what matters. Being here today matters. Stuff is so NOT important. Being the strongest and the fittest is NOT important. But being alive, being with a loved one, being here today ... priceless.
Yup, there is hair all over the bed pillow, all over the bathroom sink, all over the bathtub. It's just stuff. It's just hair. It may or may not grow back. Not that important in the big picture. Killing that tumor and all those damn cancer cells IS important! Being here in a few weeks, a few months, a few years IS important!
Thank you all for the food you are bringing that is perfect for Jim's diet and so yummy!
Thank you all for the love, the cards, the visioning and prayers you are sending to us and into the Universe. I DO believe it's important. I DO believe all this love from around the globe (literally) is a strong and a powerful force. So please continue to hold us in those prayers, thoughts and visions. This is the RIGHT STUFF!
Loving you all back, deeply,
Mary
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