Urge for Going

I was listening to Tom Rush sing this song written by Joni Mitchell . The lyrics are beautiful about the ending of summer and rushing in of winter with the "geese in chevron flight ... and I get the urge for going". I may be feeling this urge today.

Sometimes I try to imagine myself as being the most free now then I have ever been. But I feel the most saddled and stuck then I ever have been. Jim gave me wings.

"I get the urge for going, but I never seem to go".

I found yet another camera/travel bag of Jim's this morning. It was pretty much empty except for the few things he always had with him when he traveled: passport, business cards, pens, lip balm, and all kinds of foreign currency not spent in that distant land and worthless here. HIs passport is filled with all the different stamps of all those countries he visited. It's easier to tell people where Jim had never traveled to vs. where he had been, it was that extensive and exotic. He needed extra pages in his passport to make space for all those stamps; declarations of having arrived and departed.

"And I get the urge for going, when the meadow grass is turning brown,
summertime is falling down, and winter's closing in."

Oh, I went with Jim a lot. I'm incredibly lucky to have traveled to so many corners of this world, to have sat with so many wonderful people - shaking our heads and smiling at each other without a shared language to understand each other ... it's amazing how a smile and gentle touch can communicate so much. Eating their food and hoping all would remain well for me since my gut was so tender compared to our hosts. I loved traveling with Jim. I loved how he connected with all the different kinds of people. I loved his ability to make even the most stressful traveling experience into a wonderful adventure.

"I get the urge for going" ...

But lately I feel a bit anchored down by all my responsibilities: the house, the bills, the stuff I keep bumping up against and remembering that I really must take care of that .... too. Finding that travel bag and some of it's contents was hard today. I just threw my head back, gave a big sigh and, once again, shore myself up to take a look at what I might find; knowing it's going to leave me feeling empty and alone. His passport picture ... that beautiful face staring back at me ... yup, empty and alone flooding over me.

"See the geese in chevron flight, flapping and racing before the snow
They've got the urge for going, they've got the wings to go
They get the urge for going ...
Winter's closing in"

Loving you all back,
Mary