I've had many friends reach out to me this week, asking what my plans were for this day. I also had several offers to join different families in their eating frenzy. Jim and I would frequently join friends ... who feel like family ... for Thanksgiving. But this year my mom made it obvious that she wanted to have me and whoever else wanted to join around her table. She doesn't ask for this kind of thing often so it feels right to join the family this year.
Because Thanksgiving isn't one of my favorite holidays I thought I could get by this first without too much problem; I've told people this as well. But, I'm admitting to you now, it's feeling a little tough. Last night, the eve of Thanksgiving, I was watching a movie on T.V. by myself. I was really missing how much I use to enjoy being snuggled next to Jim and watching the "boob tube". We both would find that simple act of curling up and zoning out to a movie to be the best part of the day sometimes. Last night, it just felt way too lonely.
I was watching Disney's animated Beauty and the Beast and started to wonder, Is this where the belief that all will be right with the world comes from? If we are pretty enough and have a 22 inch waist we'll be just fine? Where even the most horrible experience ends up with "happily ever after" ... she always gets her man .... becomes a belief?
I'm a sucker, and wanting a "happily ever after" ending to this most horrible experience. Problem is, I was happily ever after-ing with Jim. I had found my prince and knew it. So now what? Something is definitely wrong with this picture.
Well, I certainly didn't mean to get so morose today. In fact I had planned to write about all the things I could feel thankful for .... but this is what has leaped out of me so there you have it. But for the record, I am incredibly thankful for my amazing family. I'm thankful for all these friends who, though we don't share the same gene pool, are family to me too. I'm pretty blessed to have all that I have and to be sitting down to a feast in a few hours. That alone is far more then so many have on this day.
And I'm very thankful that I had Jim Daniels in my life. I miss him like hell, but would not trade the time we did have together for all the tea in China.
Loving you all back ... and have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day.