Incredulous. Such a great sounding word... Incredulous. Webster Dictionary defines it as "unwilling to accept or admit what is offered as true". A good word for me these days.
Even after 16 months of fighting brain cancer with Jim and understanding that our time together was so incredibly limited I am incredulous that he's gone. Even after losing so much of him to that f-ing cancer with his inability to talk to me and his entire right side paralyzed thus stripping him of his fabulous athletic abilities I still feel incredulous that my life ... MY life .... is without Jim Daniels in it. ME? HIM? How can this happen to ME? How could cancer kill JIM?
Incredulous. Indeed. I am.
I think this is why I can't look at any pictures of Jim right now. It makes me gasp to see that handsome face; that strong jaw, striking blue eyes and always a hint of a smile. He's gone? Really? It's just not possible .... is it?
.... and so very sad.