What does love look like?

posted by Mary Lello, Saturday, February 6, 2010, 4:30 PM

I'm not really going to tell any of you what love looks like. I'm only going to share with you what it looks like in our household today.

Jim had one of the hardest days I can remember. He woke and was doing fine until his shoe laces had come undone from their lacing. Thus he couldn't get his shoes "tied" .. his own personal way of tightening the laces so he can get downstairs where I can tie them, properly, for him. He had to call to me to come and do his laces up, and this set off a flood of tears. Imagine how inadequate you would feel if you couldn't even tie your own shoes, at 59 years old?

The tears didn't stop. At 8:30 Jim asked me to call our brother-in-law, Jerry, so he could "talk" with him on the phone. Jerry answered the phone and I said "Jerry, JIm is having a really hard morning. If you have the time right now could you talk with him?" And Jerry said "why don't I come over. I'll be there in a few minutes". Wow, was Jim's response.

Jerry is a kinesiology practitioner who has been working with Jim from the time he returned home after the surgery. I believe it is Jerry's work that has this tumor stable even after 4 weeks with no avastin. I believe it is Jerry's work that has Jim speaking far better now then anyone could ever have hoped he would be. I believe it is Jerry's work and his deep love for Jim that may, indeed, still have Jim here with us. But it was pure love that brought Jerry over, on a Saturday morning, to work with Jim and help him process all the emotions flooding through him.

The last couple mornings that have been so teary eyed I have sung two songs to JIm ... which sent us both into great sobs, but even this is healing. Each one I have changed the words to fit our situation, don't tell the authors. Yesterday's song was:

Oh, c'mon, smile a little smile for me, [Jimmy D],What's the use in cryin'?In a little while you'll see, [Jimmy D], You must keep on tryin'. ....

By Flying Machine

And todays song was:

Sunshine go away today,I don't feel much like dancing. This [thing's] come it's trying to run [our] life, Don't know what [it's] asking....

By Jonathan Edwards

We took a walk this afternoon down to the Bay where the wind was howling and gave me a popsicle headache. On the return trip up the hill we stopped in to see Todd who was cooking for the "Stupid Bowl" (my term, not his) party extravaganza tomorrow. For the first time all day Jim seemed OK. He had a smile on his face and no unibrow from his forehead compressed together with worry. Todd kept on cooking and delighted in having us there to watch him trim the fat off the meat (more crow food!) in preparation for his chile, drink a beer and talk about the Saints and Colts. Go Saints!

And today, this is what our love looks like: a call for help and an immediate response, tears shared, a door wide open and receptive.

Heck, maybe this IS what love looks like for everyone.

Tomorrow I am hoping for a better day .... but I'm learning to take each day as it comes.

Loving you all back,

mary