posted by Mary Lello, Thursday, February 18, 2010, 11:45 AM
,,,, with love. Show them the way that you feel. (James Taylor)
This sounds so easy doesn't it? Why is it so difficult to do sometimes? Why can't we just shower those we love with love? Stuff. Stuff gets in the way; egos rise and conquer, feelings get hurt and fester, anger rears it's mighty head and devours all rational thought. So we miss chances to say I'm sorry. Maybe we avoid talking things out with someone because we fear it isn't going to work and project all the things that could go wrong if we even try.
I find myself using cancer as a baseline for this stuff (I know, DUH!). Six years ago I lost my best friend in the world to cancer. She was diagnosed in the spring and dead within 8 months. Eight months. I have no regrets with our relationship besides wishing I had been at her bedside more, been there with her and her family when she passed but otherwise she knew how much I loved her and I know she loved me. How horrible it would feel if she had disappeared from my life and I held all this 'stuff' that I wanted to talk to her about. All this ego and pride jammed into a purse that needed to just get thrown out to sea and be forgotten while she was alive. Think about this. Think about this next time you stuff an emotion and don't tell that person how you feel so that the air between you is clean and clear and you can then tell them how you love them.
And I think about this when Jim asks me to go to lunch with him or beckons to me to watch t.v. with him at night when all I really want to do is take the time and space for myself; to NOT be at his side but to just be left alone to do whatever I want or need to do. But I look at this man, my favorite person on the planet, and realize that we don't have the luxury of 'later'. We may not have many more 'laters' together in this world. I'm not saying I don't take that time, because I do and I must! But it really is about the true reality of being aware of what's important right now and not having any regrets when tomorrow comes.
And I've also learned that if it doesn't work and that person still walks away no matter how you try to clear that air, move on. We really don't have time for this. It's so easy to take time for granted, to assume we have an unlimited amount of it but there are no guarantees in this life. JIm Daniels has cancer - of ALL PEOPLE! I will never take it for granted again that there is endless time. I will not waste this precious minute on something that doesn't feel right to me or on someone who can't get out of their own way and chooses to remain petty.
But I will always try to shower those I love with my love. And I understand I ain't perfect so go ahead and call me on this if I'm carrying a big purse around with me when you see me!
Loving you all back
PS - we will find out how that MRI looks tomorrow (Friday 2/19/10) and shall let you all know what's going on.