posted by Mary Lello, Friday, August 14, 2009, 4:36 AM
I'm noticing how the days are getting shorter. It's dark at 8:00 now and the sun hasn't quite made it's arrival at 5:00 a.m. September is just around the corner and as much as I love this month it does mark the end of summer and the transitioning into Fall.
Marking time. 9 months. The gestation period for our species. 9 months come September is the amount of time Jim and I have been living with a cancerous brain tumor. 9 months. Sounds like such a long time. Feels like an eternity.
Jim gets frustrated and depressed easily these days. He's tired. We both are. This tumor messes with his time clock and he may talk about being able to do something next week - which is not an appropriate time frame. So recently we've started a new conversation about "expectations". Jim told me he thinks he puts too many expectations on himself and then gets depressed when they aren't realized. Yup. I realize that I live more in the present now then I ever have before. It's an easy thing to say "being in the moment" but I never actually lived like that, only talked about it. I'm realizing that I DO live this catch phrase now. I DO take each day as it's offered and don't look to tomorrow. What Jim can do today might be slightly better then yesterday, or he might be slightly worse, today is just whatever it is with Jim.
To us this daily pace is a snails pace. To those who haven't seen him in awhile it's leaps and bounds. As long as we keep moving forward we both can continue to do this. Then again, what choice do we have?
We have one real future goal right now. September 26 there is a local bike ride put on by 2 guys who are cancer survivors and raise money for the Cancer Community Center in Portland. These guys call their ride the "Not Dead Yet" ride. I love it. Jim has been on his bike with a wind trainer at PT so I asked David Reese, the PT guy, if he thought Jim might be able to ride a tandem bike with our friend Matthew come Sept.26? With reservations David said "OK, it's a good goal" but there are a few things that need to be worked on. That right hand won't stay on the handle bars and the right leg creates a very jerky cadence. But we have a month and we'll try to get Matthew over there with his tandem to see how Jim does on it in the next couple weeks. It would be a real hoot to ride, even 10 miles, with Jim! And a big lobster bake to follow.
We also get another MRI the end of August. Dr. Weisburg has said she wants to do an MRI every 2 months now. This feels good. It's always good to know what's going on in that head of his. Sometimes I sing that old song to Jim "where do you go my lovely, when you're alone in your bed? Tell me the thoughts that surround you. I want to look inside your head..." (anyone remember who sang this? I don't)
If you don't have to return to school then September is THE best summer month of them all! The days may be getter shorter but summer fun is not dead yet!
Stay with us in this, we love you all,