Lean on Me

This grief is a bit like a Great White Shark in the way it hovers in the depths of the unknown, drifting quietly.  Then, like the great hunter that it is, it comes boiling to the surface with incredible speed and an intent to hit hard.  Lately I never see it coming until I'm nailed.

December 28th and 29th was a Great White Shark attack this year.  Didn't really feel these dates a year ago, but for some reason I got slammed on this anniversary this year.  December 28, 2008 was when Jim was diagnosed with his brain tumor, a glioblastoma.  Though we had been warned that it was probably grade three or four they wouldn't know for sure until after surgery and the lab could give us the results.  Surgery was on December 29th.  The results a grade four - the worst - came days later.

Odd how this grief-beast works.  How I cruised through Christmas this year but got nailed on the 28th and 29th.  But the beast has submerged again, silently sinking back down into the depths.  January 3rd .... Jim's 61st birthday .... floated by with only a rememberance and a note to his sisters telling them I loved them.

I guess I'm finding a rhythm to this.  I'm learning that the beast will only take me down for a short while now, not for days at a time, but for moments.  And I am beginning to trust that I will  recover and look perfectly normal again, though I may feel a bit shaky.

Some how the Gods have gifted me this year with a man who is not afraid of this beast and does not run from these attacks.  Instead he offers me his strength to lean against and his broad shoulders to cry on.   This truly is the greatest gift that anyone could give me in these moments.

"Some times in our lives,
we all have pain, we all have sorrow.
But, if we are wise, we know that there's always tomorrow.

Lean on me, when your not strong, and I'll be your friend,
I'll help you carry on ..... "

WIth grace and love we can all help each other to carry on.

Loving you all back,
Mary