WTF?!?!?!

I read how anger is very much a part of the grieving process. Oh, I've had my moments of needing to bite someone, but I haven't really gone into a lot of anger ... yet. Mostly I'm just sad, empty, fearing the future and my financial situation and wondering what possible grand plan there can be with all this ... or if there even is one.

But today I am angry and want to start any conversations with the Creator with "WTF?". A very good friend has been given months to survive. MONTHS! This man, R., walked into our lives back when Jim was undergoing radiation treatments because R. also had a glioblastoma, grade 4 that had been removed. I always said, "R. walked into our lives and just never left". Jim and R. fell in love with each other and when I met his wife, G., I felt that I had found someone who truly understood all that I was going through ... somewhat. R. was doing so much better then Jim; he could drive, he could talk, he could play tennis! But he didn't have a tumor on his brainstem so this made all the difference in terms of some normalcy with life. This man has a huge heart and a lot of compassion which he shared with both Jim and I. We felt we had found some real comrades with these two people, even though their battle seemed so different from ours.

Back in May R had to have another tumor removed. After two years the aliens seemed to be returning. Last week I found out that R. has an additional tumor that has grown back, deeper in his brain this time, not as easy to operate on - though they're going to try this week. It grew really fast .... as the damn things want to do .... and it's very aggressive. This operation may give him a few more months.

A few more months .... of life. WTF?!?!?!?!

Now I'm angry! And asking WHY? Why the best of the best? I know I can scream this at the stars, throw things at the moon and never get an answer to this question. But I may still do it because it feels good and keeps me from biting someone.

But, honest, WTF is going on?

Mary