WIshful thinking

posted by Mary Lello, Monday, June 8, 2009, 5:53 AM

We started Physical Therapy (PT) last week and find ourselves very excited about the possible outcome this may help us achieve. It would be really wonderful if Jim could just move easier without the fear of falling down and not have me hovering over him all the time. I know it wears on him, and it wears on me too. They haven't given any prognosis yet nor have they told us how long we need to think about doing this - questions I need to remember to ask actually - so I'm hoping this isn't just all wishful thinking. But then again, what's wrong with that? If that's where we set our sights, looking a foot over the bar we must leap over, sometimes that unattainalbe height is achieved simply because you saw in your minds eye a higher bar then what is actually there. So perhaps we will envision a higher bar - and shoot for the moon.

Jim's congnitive skills continue to improve. He still loses his train of thought but overall his vocabulary is much better and he is far more alert and he understands all that goes on around him. When he's really tired I feel I'm not really seeing the man I've known for almost 30 years, he's just not himself. Brain tumors suck. But in the mornings when he is real fresh I see Jim Daniels and this helps my heart.

People told me we had a long, hard road ahead of us. I'm just glad we're finally traveling down it instead of constantly stopping along the way to deal with a crisis. And it does feel like we are now moving forward. I admit that, for me, it feels really slow at times. I still hit walls and feel emotionally and physically drained from this constant 24/7 vigilance. It's good to hear the care takers who come weekly tell me of the changes they see in Jim on that weekly basis because sometimes on the daily basis we miss actually seeing that change.

The day bed is gone now! My friends Betsy and Margo came over one Sunday afternoon to help me arrange my living room. What a team these 2 were, moving rugs, furniture, vaccuming behind things as they got moved for the first time in years (yup, yuck!!). I feel like I've got my house back again for the first time in 5 months. It's wonderful.

And summer feels like it's actually going to make it to Maine again. Blue bird days, the garden is alive and green, song birds are flittering every where as they come in to eat the bugs in my yard. We've got dear friends coming the end of June from California and Donna is returning with Mark (her hubby) mid July for 10 days. The bay has sailboats on moorings again and our grill has been fired up several times already. Just need to stock up on the Margarita fixings now!

Summer time and the living is easy .... and it is more often then not these days. And we are looking at that full moon this week and seeing where we are putting our sights. Not "wishfully thinking" at all ... BELIEVING!

Keep sending that love on the airwaves, keep emailing us your thoughts and wishes, keep your sights on the moon, because you can never feel too much love.

And know that we send our love right back to you,

Mary