Thursday, January 21, 2010

Human nature

posted by Mary Lello, Thursday, January 21, 2010, 4:15 AM

Is it human nature to want more when you've already gotten more? Or is it just me? When I've been given that inch I want the entire mile, as the saying goes.

When Jim was so incredibly sick with the hydrocephalus; unable to walk by himself, dress himself, do absolutely ANYTHING by himself, I remember thinking that if we ever got to a place where we could go to the Tavern on Thursday nights again that I would NEVER take that for granted. Well, we've been going to the Tavern for many months now and I do believe I'm taking it for granted.

You see, now that Jim is more independent I want more! I want him to talk to me again. I want him out there playing in the snow with me again. I want him to be a partner in life with me again.

Is it just me? Is it our nature as humans to always be wanting more? Do I take the fact that Jim is still here for granted? Do I take the fact that he is now able to do more then I could even hope for back in April for granted?

If the Gods are trying to teach me a lesson here I worry I might have missed it. If I'm suppose to learn acceptance and how to be grateful for small things in life and not take things for granted I'm afraid I'm blowing it. But then I'm only human ... and it's my nature?

I was able to go out and xc ski yesterday with our dog, Ella. Over the past couple days we've had some snow storms that dumped over a foot on us. It was so beautiful out in the woods. The light was that gorgeous hue that happens when there are black, black clouds with small breaks in them that allows the sun to shine through. It's hard to describe this light it's so incredibly gorgeous and magical. It has a color that only happens when the sky is like this. And all this played off a world completely laden with snow. I would stop and just breathe in this light, breathe in this beauty.

I admit to my feeling more like those rolling, black clouds with their varying shades of gray then the rays of golden light lately. But I did not take for granted that I was out there and able to push my skis through that deep, heavy snow. I did not take for granted the moment of absolute solitude and that quiet world all around me. It is my nature to need that kind of nurture that I only find in snow covered conifers and a silent wood.

I do not take any of you for granted and all the gifts that you offer to us, all the emails of love and support you send me, all the well wishes and knowing that we are being held in your hearts. It is not my nature to take any of you for granted.

It's just that sometimes, with this new life, I do wish for more ...


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