Trouble, oh trouble can't you see ...

posted by Mary Lello, Sunday, November 22, 2009, 5:45 AM

The subject is from a Cat Stevens song and has been going through my head this weekend. It's been a very tough few days.

Yesterday I went to the Hospice where my friend, Betsy, has been moved to after spiraling very quickly down when cancer was found in her spinal fluid. They have stopped all treatments and she's on morphine to keep her comfortable. Two other NESA Bellas joined me there. Last summer, when we had all gathered to celebrate 14 years of friendship and love the host of the party, and owner of the cottage on the beach, Elaine, had ridiculous, bright, flamboyant sunglasses for everyone. We all wore these glasses all weekend. It gave us all a different perspective on our world ..... and something to laugh about whenever we looked at each other.

Elaine drove up from Massachusetts yesterday to join Julie and I at the Hospice. Betsy was lying on the bed with her loving partner, Ann. I crawled up on that bed and gave Betsy a gentle kiss on her forehead. She opened her eyes and said "oh,my, Mary". And then Elaine crawled up on bed with a pair of those wonderful bright yellow glasses on .... and we saw Betsy give a small, weak laugh. The 5 of us just hung out on the day-bed that Ann has been living on beside Betsy and saw Betsy smile a few more times. And then it was time to leave. And we all understand that we may not see our sweet Betsy again.

Prior to this visit I had spent my early morning hours researching treatment options for Glioblastomas so that I might be educated when we see Dr. Wen at DF on Tuesday. This is not light reading. And although there are new and advanced things coming out all the time and we may or may not find some of these at DF all readings will emphasize how fatal this diagnosis is. There is still no cure. There is no magic bullet. I don't know what I will die of but I do know what is going to take my Jim. And I know that he and I probably do not have the luxury of seeing each other with gray hair.

Trouble, oh trouble can't you see ....

I went to see the Yarmouth High School play, Little Shop of Horrors, that is directed by our good friend Betsy Puelle. As always Betsy is a magician with high school kids and this play may have been one of her finest. For a few hours I had a diversion from my thoughts. But on the ride home I thought of Anne on that day bed loving her Betsy to the very end ... and beyond.

Trouble, oh trouble can't you see ....

One of these days I will write about my family of 7 crows, who make me smile every morning when I go out to feed them. But not this morning. My heart is so incredibly heavy these days.

Loving you all back,

Mary