Crystal Ball

posted by Mary Lello, Saturday, October 10, 2009, 5:13 AM

The bike ride is over now but so many folks still contact me and tell me how amazing it is to see the pictures and read the story. It was an amazing day and a wonderful goal that felt so huge and felt so good to accomplish.

But life didn't change here because of it.

I was speaking to a friend I ran into at the grocery store and was telling her that we still ride a huge roller coaster with small highs and very deep valleys. I also shared a thought I've been having lately - OK, it's a little far-fetched but it's a truth for me - what if an angel had come to me and said "Mary, Jim is going to get cancer when he is 58. It will be a life threatening cancer and one with no real cure. But you have a choice as to what kind of cancer he can have. What will it be?" My response? ANYTHING BUT BRAIN CANCER PLEASE!

I am not belittling other cancers - I've lost too many friends and family members to all kinds of cancers over the years to think any one is "better then" another - but brain cancer is so very difficult. It has taken my JIm and pushed him deep inside where every day I see him struggle to come out. It has taken away his ability to speak his thoughts - this from an extreme extrovert who always had a lot to say about so many things. It has made reading and writing impossible at this time. JIm is a writer and a day would not go by when he didn't read the paper or lay in bed at night and read a book. It has taken away all of his independence, a man who has traveled the world and to very remote places and now he can't drive himself to treatments or make a decision about what is best to eat for his cancer or even be here alone in the house. It has changed how he views the world when his world view use to be captured as beautiful moments on film for others to see.

Anything but brain cancer please.

But brain cancer is what we got and there is no crystal ball, no angel offering us a choice, no changing this story line. So everyday we greet another day, glad to have this new day together, and dig a little deeper into our reserves and set our intent in order to face the challenges this day may bring us. We try to celebrate the small improvements and to move forward with the set backs. We try to trust that we have the strength to do all this, again, for another day.

I'm hearing Bob Marley this morning singing "Cause every little thing is gonna be alright" .....

Loving you all,

Mary