3:30 a.m. ... such a bewitching hour. Such a familiar place for me. I didn't wake with the thought of getting up, getting the coffee going, siting here to write, but as I blundered around the house as quietly as I could so not to wake Dave it has dawned on me ... ah, here are the emotions I've been watching and waiting for. Here they are bubbling to the surface a little bit; fear, anxiety, melancholy.
Change is never easy.
But this change actually has been easy and this is what I remind myself of on this dark morning with rain coming in. From the moment I met Dave I knew that there was another big love here. It was so easy. It's not perfect, trust me. As we learn more about each other there are the typical spats; learning what buttons shalt not be pushed ... but learning this only after the manhole cover-sized-button was stomped on! And some of my friends and a couple family members have struggled with the speed of all this, struggled with the change of this new guy, struggled with their own unprocessed grief around Jim. But even they are coming around and beginning to understand what I knew from that first "coffee date" ... that this is a match.
And the Universe continues to say, "Next step Mary, here it is, take it!" So I take it. Lately, that step feels like I hopped onto one of the airport escalators that flows along the corridors of the terminal and allows you to just stand in place with your bags as you're whisked along. A human conveyer belt. In the Chicago airport there is a section ... a tunnel actually ...
that has neon lights flashing and the 'conveyer belt' travels under this
neon haze with a female voice that sounds like a voice right out of the
Sci-Fi movie, Bladerunner, that informs you to, "Keep Walking" ... over
and over this computer voice says, 'keep walking, keep walking, keep
This year I feel this is what the Universe is telling me to do; to just "keep walking".
The new plan with Dave was, in a few years, to move to Farmington. I sat with it, we explored the town a little bit, looked at houses on line on Saturday mornings over coffee. I began to warm to this idea ... cute town, a college town with lots going on there, in the mountains, easy access to the north woods and all it's lakes and rivers, great real estate prices! Last winter I looked to see how many acupuncturists might be in the area .... one. ONE?! I contacted her via email and explained that I was planning to move to the area in the 'near future' (nebulous can be a good thing at times, but our timing was nebulous!), would she be wiling to discuss the climate for acupuncture? Her response was .... "I was going to put out a search for an associate this spring to join my practice. I'd love to meet with you and discuss your plans. How soon can you move up? "
The conveyer belt just sped up as the "near future" became the VERY near future!
So we began to look in earnest for a house in Farmington. The plan being to find something in town that can be converted into apartments. While we live in one apartment we look for land that we can build our "dream home" on with gardens and fruit trees and no GMO's. Eventually renting both apartments of the 'town house' to UMF students.
Next step. Find the house to fit this plan! We'd had our eyes on this house for over a year and the price had dropped! This house was a doctors office for many years and thus has no kitchen and no real bath. But it's huge with a big attached barn and we could create two apartments in it (especially with this guy whose been a carpenter for thirty years)! How could we secure this wonderful old house?
We simply asked ... and a contract was signed with a deadline to be able to buy this house by the end of September, contingent on the sale of my house.
Keep walking, keep walking.
So, full steam ahead to fix up my little house and get it on the market. The little house I've lived in for 22 years. The little house Jim and I bought not believing we'd have money to even paint the damn thing, but we put on an addition; learning carpentry skills as we went along, learning the difference between eggshell and semi-gloss paints, learning we were home owners and real adults.
Now, under the hands of the master carpenter, Dave, we have done some renovations to this little cottage that has created quite a wonderful home. We've painted and hammered and spent many weekends working on the house and not going off on any summer adventures. With this has come some early relationship "tests" ... we have our flare-ups, talk it out, laugh and move on ... and we grow together a bit more from it all.
Keep walking, keep walking.
We wanted to sell the house ourselves without the added expense of a realtor. People gasped, this isn't how you do it when your time line is so narrow! Ah, but I've always been a risk taker and it's one of the biggest attractions Dave and I have to each other, both being 'risk takers'.
Within three weeks of being on the market we are under contract. I know, nothing is done until the closing is all signed .. so I'm not popping that champagne bottle yet! But holy Toledo, this has been one very fast conveyer belt! With my head down I haven't really looked right or left, but just plowed ahead working on the house, informing my clients that after 16 years my office will be closing within weeks, meeting and greeting folks in the new office in Farmington, working out the details of that new partnership.
And did I mention the wedding? Yup. And of course the big celebration of joining our two lives together with all our friends and our families is going to happen just as all this house stuff and moving stuff is coming to a head!
Keep walking, keep walking.
Oh, I have to put out the energy, take the steps, knock on that door, and move my life forward.
But the more I do this, the more I trust and give myself over, than the Universe is carrying me .. and all my baggage ... along much easier.
Loving you all back,