Sunday, October 9, 2011


The stars are incredibly beautiful this morning. While I waited for the coffee to finish dripping I sat out on my deck for a few minutes allowing myself to get lost in their mysterious pin pricks of light.

Stars. Steve Jobs died this past week. At fifty six. Cancer. Once again the best of the best is taken too soon.

So many fabulous quotes of Jobs are getting shared via this internet system and on the very machines that he created. What an extraordinary man he was. I read a quote of his about being a genius:

"Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemaker, the round pegs in the square holes ... the ones who see things differently - they're not fond of rules ... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, the the only thing you cant do is ignore them because they change things ... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do it." Steve Jobs

It was probably very difficult at times for Jobs to be such a square peg, to have that brain that operated so differently from all others around him. But with his death I am learning of the integrity with which this man operated, even though he was such a huge corporate persona. And we are all hearing of this huge heart of his too. In a speech he delivered to the Stanford graduating class of 2005 he said:

"Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life, because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There s no reason not to follow your heart."

Jim Daniels understood this those last few months while he lived so close to the veil, clinging to life but seeing death over his left shoulder. As compromised as he was near the end that man was grabbing for all the gusto that his life could offer him. He started to refuse to take naps so that he and I could be together and go for a drive, go visit others, sit outside in the early spring sunshine. The last fundraising event that was thrown for us was such a huge party and celebration and Jim danced all night with no embarrassment, no pride. He danced with abandon and joy .... and with all his heart.

I know, now, that he knew his death was close and he was choosing all that life would give him at that moment.

I too have learned so much from the experience of living with Jim's cancer; clinging to the pin prick of light that shone through his eyes during some pretty dark mornings. With this new relationship I'm embarking on I have witnessed this change in myself. Dave lived in Camden so there was a long distance dance that we were doing. He said to me, "we'll find our rhythm in this arrangement. We'll get through the winter and figure something else out." But I was the impatient one .... I operate from a different perspective these days. You see, I no longer believe we have all the time in the world. I've seen my life turned upside down with the snap of a finger. I've learned to believe that we only have today, tomorrow has no guarantees. Impatient ... yes! To live now, to grab for the gusto today, to appreciate all those pin pricks of light that sparkle through the darkness and to dance under the stars.

And so, we made the change and brought our worlds together.

Stars. SInce I don't know which of those up there this morning is my lucky one I send a "Thank you" to them all .... for this new laughter, joy and love ... again. And to the life that taught me to live in this moment ... this today.

Loving you all back,

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